Road Trip Revelations
Flowing Between Joy & Grief
Over the past few years I’ve found myself delightfully inspired behind the wheel.
It all started several years ago when I took a kitchen job about 30 miles from home. The 30-45 minute commute, 4 times per week became a place for me to go inward, under the influence of musical inspiration…Spotify.
Song lyrics from artists such as Pink, Fia, Modern Headspace,Satsang, Beautiful Chorus, Xavier Rudd, among others in the uplifting, inspirational genre, offered me a springboard to really think deeply about my body, mind, soul connection. I began to know myself on a deeper level, getting to know my truth.
My trusty-dusty noble steed, Ramsey Aries Velasco, who happens to have the same initials as me 😉, became my safe, quiet and inspirational space to contemplate the mysteries of life.
Much has happened in my life since then, and the action of hopping into my noble steed and driving is my version of therapy that has helped me through countless challenges. It has brought me so much insight and numerous revelations.
As you may or may not know, about 3 months ago -during a most recent life challenge, I moved 4 hours north of the Phoenix Metro area of Arizona. Although this was a great life change for me, physically, mentally and culturally, it is a fantastic distance for deep contemplation with a beautiful desert view as inspiration.
This blog isn't about that initial trip though, the prior two weeks of packing up my life and enduring mental manipulation from another human were emotionally traumatic and that was more of a nervous system reset trip for me than anything else. In this blog, I share with you the first trip back to the big city, and home again.
Plans Change
I had planned to drive my sister's truck, which was adorned with a cab-over camper to sleep in, with my dog, for a couple of nights.
This was a special trip to celebrate my granddaughter's first birthday. I was excited to see her, my son, and daughter-in-law. But that’s not all…
Almost 2 weeks prior to the road trip, a dear friend was killed in a car-hits-bike accident. Crushing news to a huge local music community in the valley, and myself. She and I would meme back and forth nearly every day since I moved, brightening eachothers days. My heart was broken with regret that it was only that and not more.
I knew that, while in the city, I would be adding a much needed visit with her grieving partner, an endearing friend that is more like a little brother to me. There’s no way I would’ve drove 4 hours into town without personally sharing my heart and condolences with him.
The joy I was feeling about my granddaughter's first birthday party was swirling with emotions of grief and disbelief. These opposite emotions felt like I was swimming through a strawberry-vanilla swirl cake batter for two weeks.
Emotions are part of the human condition. Not giving them the space to be felt and processed is not in any way beneficial for mind, body, or spirit.
But at the same time I know that I am not my emotions; I am the seer, watching from an outside perspective, the emotions and experiences that move through my being so that they CAN process and release. Emotion is E-Motion -or- Energy in motion, after all.
So I went through the two weeks feeling, processing and releasing my emotions so that I could be present for the experiences and the people I would be sharing them with.
The Trip
Travel day arrives. The night before, I packed up everything that I thought I would need and staged it to be loaded into Butters, the name of my sister’s truck, because he is smooth like butter😉.
It was a rainy Friday morning and I was checking the apple weather app to see when the rain was stopping and starting. That was very helpful in reducing the soaking-wet-clothes-while-driving factor. I managed to time everything pretty well and head out only a few minutes later than planned.
Funny thing, I was to stop at my brother's house for a quick visit and to drop off something I had borrowed years prior. I got 25 miles into my trip and realized that I had left it in the garage. I was only 25 miles into the trip so I turned around.
I always feel like I am supported by Divine Timing when I am traveling, whether that be a 20 minute drive into town to teach yoga or a 4 hour trip to the city. It’s almost like things slip my mind for a Divine purpose and that it always enhances my trip for the better. I am never angry or discouraged if I am held up by traffic or a random slip of the mind.
So there I was, 60 minutes later, passing the same exit I turned around at. This time no rain spray coming off of the 18 wheelers, the rain had stopped, the clouds were revealing pockets of brilliant blue. The corners of my mouth curled up as I marveled at the clouds. Shades of varying silver, gray and bright white. Billowy, fluffy cotton balls in the sky. The open road ahead of me!
No music for the first hour of the trip, I was just so happy to be driving through the Arizona desert, with its spanning horizon, eclectic topography and various riparian features.
If you have never traveled south along the 93 from Kingman to Phoenix through Wickenburg, I highly suggest.
There is a wonderful combination of cottonwoods meandering through a desert vein of dry riverbed, flat open road lined with endless fields of Joshua Trees, and boulder ridden outcroppings topped with saguaro cactus as you wind down the gentle mountain curves.
Gaia, in all of her magnificence, displayed under a wide open sky painted with multi-layered puffs of clouds in various shades of silver and white with azure blue peeking through. I was so filled with gratitude for my gift of sight!
The wind can be quite strong traveling through this corridor of beauty, but I was in “Butters” and he handled it with grace and ease, which allowed me time to ponder.
Messages from my Higher Self
I pondered how my experiences might be in the coming days. I planned to celebrate my granddaughter's birthday the following day before visiting with my mourning friend then heading to a memorial show that his band would be playing in her honor at a well known and iconic music venue, where I would be seeing people I had not seen in many years.
Over 3 years ago I made the executive decision that alcohol was slowing me down from creating the life that I wanted to experience. And to visit this music venue/bar that I hadn’t been to in that many years was an interesting thought to me.
My immediate thought was “No drinking at the bar, Rose. Don’t mess up over 3 years of sobriety.” Then I had my first revelation of the trip.
I realized that, as the creator of my reality, I can choose to give my power over to the alcohol and let it drive my actions, OR I can stand in my power and know that even if I allow myself to have a drink or two in celebration of my dear friend’s life, I have the wisdom to know when to stop.
Many years ago, I had fallen into a mental hole of low self-worth and did not trust the choices I was making, which were driven by fear of the unknown. I was drinking to numb the fear and would consume until oblivion so I could fall asleep without bouts of panic and anxiety.
This time, I felt different. After several years of practicing self-love, learning to trust my inner guidance, and taking inspired action in my life rather than fear-based action, I was ready to step foot in that music venue/ bar again, with confidence and illuminated empowerment.
I did choose to have 2 drinks with water in between. I laughed, danced, cried, and celebrated my dear friend's life just as I wanted to. All without guilt or fear, knowing that I was the one in control of my actions, not the alcohol.
I realized that I didn’t need to label myself as an alcoholic. I am not an alcoholic. To claim that I am an alcoholic is to claim that I have given my power over to something less than my Divine Nature. And the only thing greater than myself is the magnificent energy of Source itself. The very energy that my Soul was created from! Therefore I AM whatever I claim and I create my life from that space, mindfully and confidently.
I am a human who has learned that when my mental health and my self-esteem isn't at its highest level, I need to listen to, honor, feel and process my emotions before I will say yes to a celebratory drink. I will forevermore check in with my higher self and my state of being before I ever say yes to a substance that shifts the quality of the mind. This is how I maneuver my human experience. Again, mindfully and confidently.
Energy in Motion
Back to the travels. My arrival was without a hitch, although I did feel my blood pressure raise a little bit in rush hour traffic through the greater Phoenix area. Not living and driving in the big city for a few months really does invite a change of perspective in life. I can honestly say, I have been thoroughly enjoying the slower approach to my days.
After a long day of driving, I listened to my body and decided that it would be in my best interest not to try to make any more visits that day. I just wanted to hang out with my sister-from-another-mister, who kindly let me park my temporary home on the street in front of her house.
We watched a live music stream of Billy Strings before my dog and I headed to the truck for an night of him snoring away at the foot of my bed.
Saturday morning I woke up to a fresh and lovingly brewed cup of delicious coffee before heading out to set up for my granddaughter's first birthday party. It was a wonderful day - sunny, breezy, beautiful. Although I knew it was going to be a long one.
The party was amazing! We got the perfect armada right on the water and next to the playground at Desert Breeze park in Chandler. Little Clem was her usual bright and cheery self. She is always such a joy, brightening everyone’s day, so full of love and laughter. Ahh… the innocence and curiosity of a one year old with attentive and loving parents is so refreshing!
After the party I had an amazing visit with Travis, witnessing him and his broken heart in this fragil time of loss then reminiscing the times when he and I worked together, when Mel and I worked together and all of the fun times we had together at music festivals and shows.
Life is so precious and it seems to go amiss until we are rudely awakened by the shortcomings of death and a life ripped from us all too soon.
After the visit I went to the show that his band was playing at, mindfully declined the after party invitation and went back to the truck to rest up for another long yet beautiful day of travel.
The Trip Home
On the drive back to the high desert and home I contemplated life, death and friendship. I revisited the actions I took, before and during my journey, to flow between joy and grief. I was pleased with my actions, my presence and my ability to authentically be in each moment as it arrived, with an open heart.
As I drove, I remembered watching my one year old granddaughter, in all of her innocence and joy, and it made me think about how important it is to stay curious in life. To approach each new experience void of fear or anticipation of past experiences and to fully enjoy the moment of each new experience for what it is.
We, as humans, have a tendency to let the past dim our view of the future. Now, I stand in power and refuse to let that happen! I vow right now, I will always say yes to life's new experiences with the curiosity and joy of a toddler.
My memory of visiting with all of the friends that knew Mel made me think of how each moment that we spend with loved ones is to be cherished with love in our hearts and forgiveness at the forefront of our minds. For if we don’t learn how to forgive others for their human mistakes, how will we ever forgive ourselves for taking precious moments for granted.
The thought of my time with those whom I hadn’t seen in years, because I was too scared to mess up my sobriety, made me think of the renewed power within myself. The power to not falsely label myself and to know that I AM the creator of my experience of life.
Ponder This
What came of this trip is this question to myself is “What do you want to experience in life, Rose? And what choices will you make in creating that experience?”
And lastly, My question to you is, “What do YOU want to experience in life and what are the choices you are willing to make to experience that as reality?” You ARE the creator of your experience of life after all!
If you are at all curious of how YOU can turn your desires into reality, sign up below for your Soul Realignment reading and discover your Divine Nature through the Akashic Records and become the empowered creator of your life experience.
Namaste’ to you. And Jai Bhagwan (victory to your Spirit)
Thank you for taking the time out of your precious life to join me here.
~ Rose
